Things that make you laugh...

[Keith&Co.]

Two weeks ago, I gave a presentation on The Fire Control Problem.
This phrase refers to the launch of a submarine's ballistic missile, and all the calculations needed to get from the launch platform to the point in space where warheads are released to fall to their target.

It's presented as an introduction to the FBM Fire Control System, discussin the missile's operation, the purpose of the FCS, the Navigation system, the Guidance System... We discuss variations in gravity and Earth's rotation that affect the calculations....



A manager saw this on the schedule. He did not know what it meant. He started asking.

If he had asked, "What's the fire control problem?" most of the people in his and my departments would have said 'Go ask Keith." And half of them would have said, "Be prepared to be there a while." I really enjoy discussing The Fire Control Problem.

But no. He thinks there's some big issue with the part of the weapon system that we sell to the Navy, and the problem is so critical I needed to present this to the customer.

He asks, "What's the problem with Fire Control?"

NO one knows which problem he's referring to. There are problems, here and there, with the current version that's in the fleet. There are some issues with the one they're designing to replace it. There are broken things at the trainer, a few things on each submarine, and something fell apart at the testing facility.

All of these problems are under control, resolution is in progress, no big OMG issues, so as people helpfully try to update him on every fault, every suboptimal state, every calibration failure, every tool inventory inconsistency, every documentation typo, EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM they know of, he's getting farther and farther from the BIG PROBLEM he thinks we face.

He did not come to me because he wanted to be up to speed on the issue before asking what I told the navy about the problem. I overheard him one cubicle away, asking a coworker "what's the problem with Fire Control?" That coworker is from a completely different pipeline, with different fleet experience and when he thinks 'fire control' he thinks about the guy sending torpedoes out to sink bad guys.
His answers don't make the LEAST amount of sense to the manager, who starts describing his quest to get a simple answer to the lecture that was scheduled two weeks ago and how no two people give him the same answer....

I finally figured out what he's asking, and what he SHOULD be asking, and I think I'm the only person in the building that knows.

I'm trying to decide whether to let him stew in his ignorance for another week or to let him stew for two more weeks.

 

[ZiprHead]

You're such a team player.

 

[Keith&Co.]

I think of it as a learning opportunity. Next time, maybe he'll just ask me.

 

[Elixir]

I think of it as a learning opportunity. Next time, maybe he'll just ask me.

If you just let him stew, at least he won't soon forget once you let him in on it. If you get proactive about correcting his course, he'll likely get pissed and then forget everything you tell him.
Or maybe I am just mean like you!

 

[Keith&Co.]

Or maybe I am just mean like you!

Oh, yeah, mean. I admit to mean.
The question is, am i mean with a purpose (learning) or am i mean because... Well, it's fun. Which is also a purpose, i suppose.

 

[gmbteach]

Or maybe I am just mean like you!

Oh, yeah, mean. I admit to mean.
The question is, am i mean with a purpose (learning) or am i mean because... Well, it's fun. Which is also a purpose, i suppose.

I think you forgot the entertainment value for others as well.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Oh, yeah, mean. I admit to mean.
The question is, am i mean with a purpose (learning) or am i mean because... Well, it's fun. Which is also a purpose, i suppose.

I think you forgot the entertainment value for others as well.

I'm not sure I wanna tell people that the question they've been trying so hard to answer for all this time is really a completely different question... I'm not sure they'll find it nearly as funny. Not for another month or two, anyway...

 

[bilby]

I think you forgot the entertainment value for others as well.

I'm not sure I wanna tell people that the question they've been trying so hard to answer for all this time is really a completely different question... I'm not sure they'll find it nearly as funny. Not for another month or two, anyway...

Comedy = Tragedy + Time

 

[Keith&Co.]

I'm not sure I wanna tell people that the question they've been trying so hard to answer for all this time is really a completely different question... I'm not sure they'll find it nearly as funny. Not for another month or two, anyway...

Comedy = Tragedy + Time

although the time can be lessened or deleted with a good musical number. I'm thinking Spamalot and Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum. People would have forgiven Ford for pardoning Nixon if he'd gotten Tom Lehrer to play the announcement...

 

[bilby]

Comedy = Tragedy + Time

although the time can be lessened or deleted with a good musical number. I'm thinking Spamalot and Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum. People would have forgiven Ford for pardoning Nixon if he'd gotten Tom Lehrer to play the announcement...

As Lehrer himself said, "Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize".

 

[Keith&Co.]

My wife chaperoned the High School Prom tonight.
As one couple was walking in, the girl's garter snapped. It fell to the floor. Along with the flask of alcohol clipped to it.

The metal flask dinged noisily on the marble floor, and she swore loudly, making it impossible to pretend it wasn't hers...
The boyfriend instantly rushed to her defense, saying, "I didn't want to come to the prom, anyway."

 

[bilby]

Looks like the UK will be sending Europe a Conservative and Unionist Negotiating Team. I wonder what acronym they could use for them?

 

[ZiprHead]

Donald Trump asks Melania, "Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?" Melania answers, "Because you are never there."

 

[bilby]

http://thesciencepost.com/editorial-scientists-have-been-wrong-before-so-i-can-say-whatever-i-want/

Scientists have been wrong before, so I can say whatever I want.

 

[James Brown]

My mother asked me to help plan my brother's surprise birthday party. I guess I know which twin is her favorite.

 

[bilby]

We may be a testy bunch, but all others are a bunch of testes.

 

[Keith&Co.]

So, i have a high school education. And many technical schools.
My coworker is going for his doctorate.
Yesterday, he wanted to use the word 'chauvinism' in an email. He didn't know how to spell it. He called out to the office, asking how to spell the word.
I said 'P-I-G.' He laughed but still wanted the actual word.
Another coworker said type something close and let the program's spellchecker fix it.
First guy said that's what he'd been doing for ten minutes. However he was spelling the word, it wasn't offering up any suggestions anywhere close to the right word.
Then i spelled it out. He was amazed that i got it right the first time.
Almost angry that someone with no college could show him up.
I shrugged. I see the word a lot. I spend some nights wandering DeviantArt telling people their oh-so-clever and oh-so-original memes are misspelled.
Third coworker jumps up out of his cubicle. "THAT WAS YOU!?!?"

 

[snoiduspoitus]

The night I was herding cats and out of nowhere, a white buffalo stepped on my face and crushed it pretty good.

I'm OK now, but it hurt like hell at the time.

 

[Elixir]

So, i have a high school education. And many technical schools.
My coworker is going for his doctorate.
Yesterday, he wanted to use the word 'chauvinism' in an email. He didn't know how to spell it. He called out to the office, asking how to spell the word.
I said 'P-I-G.' He laughed but still wanted the actual word.
Another coworker said type something close and let the program's spellchecker fix it.
First guy said that's what he'd been doing for ten minutes. However he was spelling the word, it wasn't offering up any suggestions anywhere close to the right word.
Then i spelled it out. He was amazed that i got it right the first time.
Almost angry that someone with no college could show him up.
I shrugged. I see the word a lot. I spend some nights wandering DeviantArt telling people their oh-so-clever and oh-so-original memes are misspelled.
Third coworker jumps up out of his cubicle. "THAT WAS YOU!?!?"

Lol! I'm a highschool dropout myself. Yet, I am the official Company Grammar Nazi. Also its proof reader and writer of all things that relate to product descriptions and applications. As amazed as my college-educated partners are that I know English better than they do, I am even more amazed that they failed to learn so many of the basics. The oddest thing is how they sometimes will latch onto and defend the indefensible. Case in point was a Cicero quote that someone on the internet translated into gibberish, and which one of my partners decided to put in big lettering on the 50' RV that we use for a mobile training lab. I was horrified, and it turned into a months-long kerfuffle before I was able to convince him that it made us look bad. "Nobody knows what Cicero actually said" was his main defense. "He certainly didn't say it in English!".
"Sure, but whateverthehell language he said it in, you can bet it made sense" I'd tell him. "So it should be translated into something that also makes sense." He was un-moved until I got out the original Latin: "Hominem ad deos nulla re propius accedunt quam salutem hominibus dando", and went through it word by word... We ended up taking the (expensive) letting off the bus.

I don't know what they've been teaching people about English in our Universities, but it's less than what we had to learn by the fourth grade. Maybe my early education was exceptional - it didn't teach me a lot of facts, but it taught me how to learn!

 

[thebeave]

So, i have a high school education. And many technical schools.
My coworker is going for his doctorate.
Yesterday, he wanted to use the word 'chauvinism' in an email. He didn't know how to spell it. He called out to the office, asking how to spell the word.
I said 'P-I-G.' He laughed but still wanted the actual word.
Another coworker said type something close and let the program's spellchecker fix it.
First guy said that's what he'd been doing for ten minutes. However he was spelling the word, it wasn't offering up any suggestions anywhere close to the right word.
Then i spelled it out. He was amazed that i got it right the first time.
Almost angry that someone with no college could show him up.
I shrugged. I see the word a lot. I spend some nights wandering DeviantArt telling people their oh-so-clever and oh-so-original memes are misspelled.
Third coworker jumps up out of his cubicle. "THAT WAS YOU!?!?"

Lol! I'm a highschool dropout myself. Yet, I am the official Company Grammar Nazi. Also its proof reader and writer of all things that relate to product descriptions and applications. As amazed as my college-educated partners are that I know English better than they do, I am even more amazed that they failed to learn so many of the basics. The oddest thing is how they sometimes will latch onto and defend the indefensible. Case in point was a Cicero quote that someone on the internet translated into gibberish, and which one of my partners decided to put in big lettering on the 50' RV that we use for a mobile training lab. I was horrified, and it turned into a months-long kerfuffle before I was able to convince him that it made us look bad. "Nobody knows what Cicero actually said" was his main defense. "He certainly didn't say it in English!".
"Sure, but whateverthehell language he said it in, you can bet it made sense" I'd tell him. "So it should be translated into something that also makes sense." He was un-moved until I got out the original Latin: "Hominem ad deos nulla re propius accedunt quam salutem hominibus dando", and went through it word by word... We ended up taking the (expensive) letting off the bus.

I don't know what they've been teaching people about English in our Universities, but it's less than what we had to learn by the fourth grade. Maybe my early education was exceptional - it didn't teach me a lot of facts, but it taught me how to learn!

Since the widespread use of email about 20 years ago, I've unfortunately learned that many close friends and family are inept writers and communicators. Before email, I never got a sense of their writing skills, as all I saw was birthday cards, etc. In particular, I have several family members who are/were teachers with college degrees, but can't write and spell worth a shit. Or convey information in a concise, detailed manner. Several shitstorms have occurred in family mass emails over the years when someone didn't take the time to write clearly and succinctly. My cousin married a college educated guy with a degree in Political Science, and his writing is, seriously, at a 5th grade level. Random capitalized letters & out of place punctuation, lots of misspelled words, etc. I have no idea how he managed to even get in college, much less, actually graduate.