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Things that make you laugh...

So, on various for a, over four days, I came across three independent posts posing the question of pet languages.

Those times when the dog barks, or the cat meows, and we bark/meow back...

What if they have an actual language?

WE hear, "Meow!" and say "Meow!" and smile and they "meow" once more.
In their head, though, it's more like:
Cat: (Meow) "You're back! I'm glad to see you again."
Human: (Meow) "Tax Reformation Principle!"
Cat: (Meow) "Why are you like this? I mean, every FUCKING time. I get more respect from the dog."
Dog: (Bark!) "I licked my balls today!"
Cat: (Meow) "No one's talking to you."
Human: (Bark!) "The indemnification of pituitary witnesses!"
Dog: (Bark!) "He is!"
Cat: (Meow) "Yeah, but he's an idiot."

Which makes me wonder about Star Trek's universal translator. I mean, the damned thing can talk to CLOUDS! What if, after a hard day out there, Starfleeting, you come home and forgot to turn off your universal translator when you leave the office.
Why wouldn't it at LEAST say something like:
Dog: "I am vocalizing pleasure at your presence!"
 
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Keith&Co. said:
So, on various for a, over four days, I came across three independent posts posing the question of pet languages.

Those times when the dog barks, or the cat meows, and we bark/meow back...

What if they have an actual language?

WE hear, "Meow!" and say "Meow!" and smile and they "meow" once more.
In their head, though, it's more like:
Cat: (Meow) "You're back! I'm glad to see you again."
Human: (Meow) "Tax Reformation Principle!"
Cat: (Meow) "Why are you like this? I mean, every FUCKING time. I get more respect from the dog."
Dog: (Bark!) "I licked my balls today!"
Cat: (Meow) "No one's talking to you."
Human: (Bark!) "The indemnification of pituitary witnesses!"
Dog: (Bark!) "He is!"
Cat: (Meow) "Yeah, but he's an idiot."

Which makes me wonder about Star Trek's universal translator. I mean, the damned thing can talk to CLOUDS! What if, after a hard day out there, Starfleeting, you come home and forgot to turn off your universal translator when you leave the office.
Why wouldn't it at LEAST say something like:
Dog: "I am vocalizing pleasure at your presence!"
Click to expand...

Exactly. But what about the other way around? When a human says "Come on boy, Let's go to the vet", what does the translator say to the dog? The dog doesn't have a concept of what a veterinarian is, so the UT would have to explain it in terms of simpler terms via elaborate series of barks and growls (and maybe smells). Which would be incredibly difficult to do. So if you did that, the translator would basically just start barking for a VERY LONG TIME, and maybe a week later, the realization would come and the dog would run away.
 
Jayjay said:
Keith&Co. said:
So, on various for a, over four days, I came across three independent posts posing the question of pet languages.

Those times when the dog barks, or the cat meows, and we bark/meow back...

What if they have an actual language?

WE hear, "Meow!" and say "Meow!" and smile and they "meow" once more.
In their head, though, it's more like:
Cat: (Meow) "You're back! I'm glad to see you again."
Human: (Meow) "Tax Reformation Principle!"
Cat: (Meow) "Why are you like this? I mean, every FUCKING time. I get more respect from the dog."
Dog: (Bark!) "I licked my balls today!"
Cat: (Meow) "No one's talking to you."
Human: (Bark!) "The indemnification of pituitary witnesses!"
Dog: (Bark!) "He is!"
Cat: (Meow) "Yeah, but he's an idiot."

Which makes me wonder about Star Trek's universal translator. I mean, the damned thing can talk to CLOUDS! What if, after a hard day out there, Starfleeting, you come home and forgot to turn off your universal translator when you leave the office.
Why wouldn't it at LEAST say something like:
Dog: "I am vocalizing pleasure at your presence!"
Click to expand...

Exactly. But what about the other way around? When a human says "Come on boy, Let's go to the vet", what does the translator say to the dog? The dog doesn't have a concept of what a veterinarian is, so the UT would have to explain it in terms of simpler terms via elaborate series of barks and growls (and maybe smells). Which would be incredibly difficult to do. So if you did that, the translator would basically just start barking for a VERY LONG TIME, and maybe a week later, the realization would come and the dog would run away.
Click to expand...

That's why I don't have one of those. Do you? If so, throw it in the trash - you'll be SO much happier, and so will your pets. :D
 
IMG_3121.JPG

It's true. Our whole area was blanketed with smoke this afternoon; the Fire and Rescue Service were burning off a huge area of bushland around Leslie Harrison Dam for hazard reduction leading into the dry season.

We had a lot of rain this year, so the fire danger this winter could be pretty worrying.

Just remember, 'High' is the second lowest possibility.
 
Judas (An Extremely Short Play, by Wilbert Morely Handsock)


Scene: Heaven. God's office. White. Clouds on the floor [No, no...no. Not fog, & not dry ice either. Clouds]

God: Judas, I have a job for you. It's gonna be tough, but in the end, it'll be alright, because I will be glorified.

Judas: Um, alright, Lord.

God: I need you to betray Jesus to the Romans, for 30 pieces silver.

Judas: Excuse me, Lord?

God: I need you to betray Jesus to the Romans, and you're gonna do it for 30 pieces silver. Have you got a hearing problem?

Judas: No, Lord, it's just that, well...I like Jesus. And why am I betraying him, if you don't mind my asking, sir? Hasn't he got enough trouble?

God: Listen, I got it all worked out. Don't ask so many questions. All you do, you take 30 pieces silver and tell the authorities who's Jesus. You do it with a kiss. Simple.

Judas: (Silent for a while, rolling eyes, thinking) Well, I could use the money. But like I said, I like Jesus. He's a nice guy. Maybe you can find somebody else? You know, Lord, I mean, I know you know, that there's a lot of people who don't like Jesus a whole lot. I can imagine it wouldn't be too har...

God: (Booming voice) Listen, you talk too much, Judas. Just do what I tell you. I got it worked out. It's gonna be a piece of cake. Just take 30 pieces silver and enjoy yourself. Maybe take a vacation? You been to Lake Huleh?

Judas: Lake Huleh? I can't swim, Lord, and I burn something awful. And like I said, I like Je...

God: (Even boomier voice) Enough! Listen, you take the 30 pieces silver, you do what you like, you come back and betray Jesus. Simple! Oiy, you have difficulty why? Only problem for you, you gotta burn in hell for eternity. But still, you get 30 pieces silver.

Judas: Lord, I really don'....

God: (Irritated) You really do, and you will, you putz. I'm God? or have you forgotten? Irving, get this man out of here, and listen, Irving, make sure he does the job.

(Irving, wings ruffling, hustles Judas out...)

Curtain


God: Lee J. Cobb
Judas: Adam Sandler
Irving: Kirkwood Smith
 
We have a problem.
Okay. I am a professional. I take a few minutes to examine the problem and craft what I think to be the best solution.
Oldboss takes my input and either:
1) Goes with it.
2) Adapts it to meet needs he has that I don't really have.
3) Tells me that there's an element I did not consider, and sends me back to solve the new problem, too.

NEWboss says: "One? Just one solution, this is what you bring me?"
"Ummmmmmm, yeah."
"You should be bringing me MULTIPLE solutions, so I have options."
"Why would I do that? I mean, if I find A solution, why would I spend time finding more solutions?"
"What if there's another problem you don't know about? I may need a different solution to-"
"HOW in the fuck would I craft a solution to a problem I don't know about?"
"You can't, but you CAN come at the problem you do know from several directions."
"OR, I can solve all of the problems I know about, and if that's not sufficient, you can tell me about MORE problems that I need to solve, also. Problems you should have revealed previously."

A coworker pointed out that we were pretty far afield of finding a solution to the current problem, and into solution-presentation-etiquette.

My solution's adequate for today, but newboss is thinking ahead to the next crisis. SO we solved today, and will keep this shit in mind next problem.

I think we were really close to ending on a high note, until he tried to get the last jab in.
"IN the future, just be more flexible."
"Your mom is more flexible."
So now my attitude is a problem. I'm not sure how many solutions he wants...
 
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heard an off-color anecdote about an acquaintance of ours.

Some time back, in the Navy, the Missile control center is full of about twelve people doing turnover. One crew has been on the boat, out underwater, for 3 months. The other crew is taking over.
In the middle of this, John rushes in.
John is one of the guys who's been out to sea for a while. He just called his wife.

"Hey guess what?" he says TO EVERYONE IN THE ROOM. "My wife says when we get home, we get to try ANAL!"
Dead silence. His boss looks him in the eye and says, "So you're saying your wife bought a strap-on."
"I, uh... No, I don't think... She didn't say... I don't think so."
"Don't you think you should be sure about that?"
"You're right!" He runs out of the room to go topside with his phone.

I can't really imagine the phone call.. "Honey, I told the guys about impending anal intrusion and they were wondering if..."

Anyway, he comes running back to ALL THE GUYS IN BOTH DIVISIONS and announces, "Nope! _I_ get to do HER in the anal! I mean, in the ass!"
 
The Banter Sketch (MP)

(Scene: a wartime RAF station)

Jones: Morning, Squadron Leader.

Idle: What-ho, Squiffy.

Jones: How was it?

Idle: Top-hole. Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father; hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie.

Jones: Er, I'm afraid I don't quite follow you, Squadron Leader.

Idle: It's perfectly ordinary banter, Squiffy. Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father; hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie.

Jones: No, I'm just not understanding banter at all well today. Give us it slower.

Idle: Banter's not the same if you say it slower, Squiffy.

Jones: Hold on then... Wingco! Bend an ear to the Squadron Leader's banter for a sec, would you?

Chapman: Can do.

Jones: Jolly good. Fire away.

Idle: Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father; hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie.

Chapman: No, I don't understand that banter at all.

Idle: Something up with my banter, chaps?

GRAMS: AIR RAID SIRENS

(Enter Palin, out of breath)

Palin: Bunch of monkeys on the ceiling, sir! Grab your egg-and-fours and let's get the bacon delivered!

Chapman (to Idle): Do *you* understand that?

Idle: No, I didn't get a word of it.

Chapman: Sorry, old man, we don't understand your banter.

Palin: You know, bally tenpenny ones dropping in the custard!

(no reaction)

Palin: Um... Charlie choppers chucking a handful!

Chapman: No no, sorry.

Jones: Say it slower, old chap.

Palin: Slower *banter*, sir?

Chapman: Ra-ther.

Palin: Um... sausage squad up the blue end?

Idle: No, still don't get it.

Palin: Um... cabbage crates coming over the briny?

The others: No, no.

(Film of air-raid)

Idle (voice-over): But by then it was too late. The first cabbage crates hit London on July the 7th. That was just the beginning.

(Chapman seen sitting at desk, on telephone)

Chapman: Five shillings a dozen? That's ordinary cabbages, is it? And what about the bombs? Good Lord, they _are_ expensive.
 
A coworker went to court for the divorce.
Today, we learned that if you're getting divorced, and told the court you don't have a job, don't brag about your promotion to a Supervisory Position on Facebook...
Or, if you must, MAYBE unfriend your ex before you do so....

- - - Updated - - -

My new supervisor went to a parent/teacher meeting years ago. The ONLY thing he remembered after that meet was that his son's 1st grade teacher had a stud in her boob, positioned to be very visible in her cleavage.
He is still getting in trouble for that. Wife now quizzes him after every parent/teacher interaction.

I bragged that I have an entire list of teachers that I am allowed to stare at.
Not a terribly effective brag, tho.
My coworkers, who all know my wife teaches high school English, instantly guessed that the list has exactly one name on it.... They even cleverly figured out which name!
 
swords.jpg
My wife saw Holy Grail when it came out. She was in college and all her friends raved about Monty Python.

Well, she attended it. She tends to fall asleep at movies. She only remembers the moose in the credits.

So for about 30 years I've been quoting the movie in her presence from time to time, when something around us reminds me of it. Our children quote Holy Grail from time to time. Tallest son worked the stage equipment for a production of Spamalot that we attended.

SHE JUST YESTERDAY finally connected the 'women in ponds' line to Monty Python. "I just realized that's a Monty Python line," she said at dinner.
Children and I stared at her. "How? HOW could you go this long and not know such an iconic line from Monty Python?" we asked her.
"Well, I've never seen Life of Brian," she replied.
Dead silence for a bit. "What?" she asked.
"It's people like you what cause unrest," I finally said.
 
Old Woman in Purple said:
I sense a 'Monty Python Marathon' being arranged in short order.... :D
Click to expand...
I'm assigning homework once school lets out...

I own the entire series on DVD, as well as the Deluxe edition of Grail... I've been wearing Death Bunny slippers for ten years... I own almost all of the Holy Grail action figures.
Yes. She WILL become competent on the subject of Monty Python... Yes, indeed.
 
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