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Things that make you laugh...

Reading Tiffany Haddish's memoirs. The first time someone offered her money to work a Bar Mitzvah, she thought they wanted her to climb up on a bar, and show the room her 'mitzvah.'
She couldn't understand why her grandma was all in favor of her little girl becoming a stripper...
 
I noticed a box in the cereal aisle - Oreo O's.

Mentioned to family at a certain age, I'd probably have asked for "the dipthong cereal."

Mom says that would have been the age I'd have eaten gruel for a month....
 
You would think an engineer would understand the concept of a 'variable.'

"How long does it take to get a change to curricula approved?"
"It depends on the change."
"Yeah, but how long to get it approved?"
"That depends on the extent of the change, the subject, and the approval chain."
"But how long?"
"Okay, that time they did a revision to the reference document (5-digit number)? Changed it to (5-digit number)? That took us four days to replace all the references, but nothing much changed as far as course material, so they approved it two days after we sent them the updated copy. The time they added new equipment to the system, and we had to develop new procedures, and new training for the equipment and procedures? That was two weeks to implement, and three weeks to approve because they had to second check everything we did. Oh, and the procedures themselves go through a separate approval chain, because reasons. That added another two months to the whole process. And the time they changed all the LED indications on Launcher to a GUI screen, but preserved the Boolean operations? That took six months to create the training, three months to approve it."
"So, two days to get a change approved. Thanks."
"That's not what I said! What are you changing!?!"
"Nothing big."

Engineers will say changing from a propeller to jet propulsion is about a 2% change because it's still a plane, and you're still flying. Another engineer will say that changing from using a pen to a pencil to sign documents is a 95% change because you don't sharpen pens...
 
Jeez, touchy.

So, we need a permission slip to use the labs in the building, since they actually belong to the government.

We submitted our permission slip, and it runs to the end of the year.

The administrator of the list of slips sent out an email asking everyone to explain if their ETSR was still open, or could be closed, or what.

Personally, I wouldn't have bothered anyone whose slip hadn't run out, yet, but there you go.
I replied to state that our Engineering Test System Request was still active, thank you very much, go away.

Dear Admin,
Our ETSR, #1055, is still open with an end date of 31 Dec 18, in accordance with the prophecy.
Click to expand...

Now five different people want to know what prophecy I'm talking about.

My manager is on leave this week, I think i'll forward all inquiries to the 'High Priestess.'
 
I have been involved with the submarine missile fire control system since 1981. I know a few things about the system that were only ever in books that are no longer in circulation. A coworker mentioned how i'm a fount of information about FCS, but sometimes he worries that if i'm making shit up, he'll NEVER catch me. Another said that though i CAN toss the bullshit, i usually have a twinkle in my eye when it's total BS.

That reminded me of the Teapot reactor. I began to lecture, drawing on the whiteboard.

See, i have a few relatives back home that support nuclear power, but don't really understand it. I have other relatives who fear nuclear power, but know even less about it. These are the people who put aluminum foil on their wall sockets so the radioactive electricity doesn't leak out and radiate them.

Both groups thinks that nuclear power means we have a rock and attach wires to it, and you get nuclear power.

That inspired the Teapot reactor.

The core of the reactor is a lump of plutonium-enriched uranium that's shaped kind of like a cartoon teapot. Kinda like Mrs. Potts. There's an arm stretching out, referred to as the spout. wires lead in through what's called the lid, though it's part of teh lump, and wires lead out of the spout.
When the core sits flat, there's no electrical flow. When the reactor 'rod' pushes on one side, it tips the reactor into the 'flow' position. Electricity flows in the same direction as if it was full of tea being poured out.

That's why it's so dark and cramped on submarines.

See, we have nuclear power, so that gives us radio active electricity. So all the cables are lined with extra thick insulation. A laptop power cord is about as big around as your little finger. THe big power cables are massive barrels, like movie anacondas.
And with radioactive electricity, we have to make sure all the light bulbs are made of lead-lined glass. So it attenuates the light being produced. But we can't make that up with more lights, because that'd fill the space with more bulky cables...

Suddenly, the mood lighting on all those submarine movies made sense to them.

I'll probably burn in hell some day for teaching my own family this shit, and i feel bad about the waitress that got sucked into the drawings on the tablecloth, but i was unable to resist...

Anyway, they detected NO twinkle.
 
Keith&Co. said:
I have been involved with the submarine missile fire control system since 1981. I know a few things about the system that were only ever in books that are no longer in circulation. A coworker mentioned how i'm a fount of information about FCS, but sometimes he worries that if i'm making shit up, he'll NEVER catch me. Another said that though i CAN toss the bullshit, i usually have a twinkle in my eye when it's total BS.

That reminded me of the Teapot reactor. I began to lecture, drawing on the whiteboard.

See, i have a few relatives back home that support nuclear power, but don't really understand it. I have other relatives who fear nuclear power, but know even less about it. These are the people who put aluminum foil on their wall sockets so the radioactive electricity doesn't leak out and radiate them.

Both groups thinks that nuclear power means we have a rock and attach wires to it, and you get nuclear power.

That inspired the Teapot reactor.

The core of the reactor is a lump of plutonium-enriched uranium that's shaped kind of like a cartoon teapot. Kinda like Mrs. Potts. There's an arm stretching out, referred to as the spout. wires lead in through what's called the lid, though it's part of teh lump, and wires lead out of the spout.
When the core sits flat, there's no electrical flow. When the reactor 'rod' pushes on one side, it tips the reactor into the 'flow' position. Electricity flows in the same direction as if it was full of tea being poured out.

That's why it's so dark and cramped on submarines.

See, we have nuclear power, so that gives us radio active electricity. So all the cables are lined with extra thick insulation. A laptop power cord is about as big around as your little finger. THe big power cables are massive barrels, like movie anacondas.
And with radioactive electricity, we have to make sure all the light bulbs are made of lead-lined glass. So it attenuates the light being produced. But we can't make that up with more lights, because that'd fill the space with more bulky cables...

Suddenly, the mood lighting on all those submarine movies made sense to them.

I'll probably burn in hell some day for teaching my own family this shit, and i feel bad about the waitress that got sucked into the drawings on the tablecloth, but i was unable to resist...

Anyway, they detected NO twinkle.
Click to expand...

Never mind adding extra light bulbs; If it gets too dark on board, why not just open a few windows?
 
bilby said:
Never mind adding extra light bulbs; If it gets too dark on board, why not just open a few windows?
Click to expand...
We're all on Zulu time! If you open the windows, the sun shines in at all kinds of crazy hours. Confuses the hell out of everyone. The clock says 'midnight' and the rooster says 'Tiiiiiime to get uuuuuuuuuuuup!'
 
Keith&Co. said:
bilby said:
Never mind adding extra light bulbs; If it gets too dark on board, why not just open a few windows?
Click to expand...
We're all on Zulu time! If you open the windows, the sun shines in at all kinds of crazy hours. Confuses the hell out of everyone. The clock says 'midnight' and the rooster says 'Tiiiiiime to get uuuuuuuuuuuup!'
Click to expand...

Ah, of course. That explains it.

And obviously you have to keep the rooster, for the fresh eggs.
 
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