• Welcome to the new Internet Infidels Discussion Board, formerly Talk Freethought.

Things that make you laugh...

gmbteach said:
I remember the time my father rang me to ask what my phone number was!
Click to expand...
one night i had duty where they gave five of us beepers. We mustered, did colors, and dispersed to other duties.
They realized too late that they never wrote down who had each beeper.
Me, i would have paged one beeper at a time, and whoever answered, I'd tell them it was a test, not admitting ftupidity.

But, no. They paged all of us.

So I'm beeped at the wharf, call in, they immediately ask, "what's your beeper number?"

And they had five identicsl conversations of "YOU just beeped ME! You tell ME what the goddamned number is!"
 
spikepipsqueak said:
Drunk one night my mate said "What's Ken Orana's last name? I've always just called him Ken."
Click to expand...
Hmm. Was the correct answer perhaps "Fred", because Ken is only his current name, and Dave Orana had his name legally changed to Fred, and then Fred Orana had his name legally changed to Ken, and then your mate met him?

Oh, wait. Is Ken a Hispanic guy? Is Ken Orana Garcia perhaps normally referred to as Ken Orana? If you're asked "What is President Vicente Fox's last name?", the correct answer is Quesada.
 
A friend of mine just posted on Facebook that his Australian Citizenship ceremony is coming up in a few weeks.

His wife was winding him up about having to say 'under God', in the oath (he is an atheist, and it's actually optional), and it occurs to me that in Australia, we should swear 'over God' (if at all).
 
Well, that would make it an atheist swear, wouldn't it?

Like, I'm totally over this whole god thing, y'know?
 
My son and i were coming out of Burger King. Held the door for a young woman. She had a huge afro and a tshirt that said she hearts her hair.

As we git to the car, Youngest tapped my bald spot. "And if you love something, set it free.."

Little shit. Don't know where he learned this sort of behavior....
 
Keith&Co. said:
My son and i were coming out of Burger King. Held the door for a young woman. She had a huge afro and a tshirt that said she hearts her hair.

As we git to the car, Youngest tapped my bald spot. "And if you love something, set it free.."

Little shit. Don't know where he learned this sort of behavior....
Click to expand...

The nut doesn't fall far from the tree.
 
ZiprHead said:
Keith&Co. said:
My son and i were coming out of Burger King. Held the door for a young woman. She had a huge afro and a tshirt that said she hearts her hair.

As we git to the car, Youngest tapped my bald spot. "And if you love something, set it free.."

Little shit. Don't know where he learned this sort of behavior....
Click to expand...

The nut doesn't fall far from the tree.
Click to expand...

Tree doesn't sprout far from the nut.
 
You may like hamburgers. You may be a clown. But you're no Ronald McDonald. - John Stewart on Donald Trump
 
So then, today, July 4th, 2018, is the beginning of the Second American Civil War. Today, Democrats will be taking to the streets to take over the country, and only God-fearing Republicans can prevent the anarchy and non-segregated bathrooms.

I know this because Alex Jones told us so a few days ago:

[YOUTUBE]https://youtu.be/rpQDqq1iQrw[/YOUTUBE]

(Oh, the comments for that video. Either a bunch of pitch-perfect Poes, or scary Americans itching for a fight.)

Incredibly, some people aren't taking the threat seriously, and have started a Twitter hashtag #SecondCivilWarLetters mimicking letters written home to loved ones by soldiers.

Dear Paw,
Today I came upon a most gruesome scene. Two men in MAGA hats lay on the ground bleeding to death as they shot each other thinking the other was the bad guy with a gun. Their general stood by and offered them his thoughts and prayers.
Click to expand...

Dear Ma,
This war shall end soon. The medics of the MAGA army are unable to treat the soldiers because bullet wounds are considered a pre-existing condition.
Click to expand...

Dear Ma,
In preparing for tomorrow's battle, we spent the day using Hillary's emails to build our fortress. There is no doubt now that we will be victorious as no one can seem to get over them. Now we covfefe till morning.
Happy Second Civil War Eve!
Click to expand...

Dearest Mother,
Rejoice! The tides have turned as we have managed to shut down their lines of communications by sending in a wave of black people doing ordinary things that they feel compelled to report. Chaos has ensued. The red hats are floundering.
Click to expand...
 
The company whose name shall not be spoken had a program they sold to the Navy. Version I.

My company made a bid to completely replace the program. We called it Program Version II. Same requirements, but no software was inherited from Unspoken Co.

We're on version V, now. Changes made over the years in response to the customer being giddy that they can ask for shit and receive new functionality. Anyway, some applications have drifted over the four iterations.

Was just in a meeting where someone referred to something that's been handed down from Version II. He called it 'Version II, the Original.'

Version II was OUR original, ten years ago. We called it II only to distinguish our efforts from those who went before (and fell on their own swords).
A relatively new hired person at the meeting wanted to spend 20 minutes arguing that 'Version 2 could not be The Original.' Because English.
COMPLETELY not a part of the problem, and does nothing to clarify the issue, or justify/deny the resolution, and really, really, REALLY not what I imagined would be part of my day when I got up this morning.

I muttered something like, "Even my son would accept that statement at this point, and he's an English major with OCD." Guy I was telling it to laughed.
Objection hire spun around and asked 'What's wrong with English Majors?'

Ah. Clearly, the problem is that I'm not as quiet as I think I am...

We finally bed this issue and eventually end the meeting.
Objection follows me into the hall, wanting to know what was so hot about MY major.
I shrugged. "We didn't have majors in high school. I know these days, in my wife's school, they have academies, but that's more of a pipeline sort of thing. Not really a focus, you know? We help judge the science fair every year, and the students have projects in Biology, Chemistry, Biochemistry, Engineering, Psychology, Ecology.... They're all over the map. Except for Astrology. My son wanted to do an Astrology project and they denied it. Instead he went with blindfolds and lollypops, testing flavors when you can't see the color and..."
Buddy, you want to waste all our time on meaningless points, I will spend ten minutes in the hall not telling you that I never went to college.

It's a petty revenge, but it's the middle of the week. Petty is what I can handle at this point.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom