C_Mucius_Scaevola
Veteran Member
Tout a fait. Je ne sais pas comment j'ai pu l'oublier.
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Tout a fait. Je ne sais pas comment j'ai pu l'oublier.
Elixir
Made in America
Sénilité?
C_Mucius_Scaevola
Veteran Member
Non, pas encore. J'espere, au moins ...
Elixir
Made in America
angelo
Deleted
Jesus walks into a hostel one night in old Jerusalem. He throws a handful of long nails onto the counter and asks the clerk : "Can you put me up for the night?"
laughing dog
Contributor
Lucy enters the breast stroke in a swim competition. She places last in her heat and goes to the judges table to register a protest because all of the other swimmers used their arms.
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2002
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- Frozen in Michigan
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- Don't be a dick.
Took me a second. I like those the best. 
bilby
Fair dinkum thinkum
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My driving instructor told me to depress the clutch pedal. So I told it it would soon be redundant owing to the advent of the automatic gearbox.
Elixir
Made in America
Before getting depressed, it should have thought to get a neutral opinion.
bilby
Fair dinkum thinkum
- Joined
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- Strong Atheist
It probably lacked the drive.
angelo
Deleted
Two giraffes were in a race. They were neck and neck.
spikepipsqueak
My Brane Hertz
Morgan
New member
A skeleton walks into a pub and orders a Guinness & mop.
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2002
- Messages
- 42,214
- Location
- Frozen in Michigan
- Gender
- Old Fart
- Basic Beliefs
- Don't be a dick.
This morning as I was driving to town, the car in front of me suddenly came to a screeching stop. I hit my brakes hard and skidded to a stop about two inches from the other car's rear bumper. I heard the squeal of brakes behind me and braced myself for the impact but that car too managed to stop barely in time.
The man in the car in front of me jumped out of his car and ran around to the front. He got down on his knees and was making some strange movements. I thought "Oh my God, he's hit somebody!"
I jumped out of my car and so did the man in the car behind me. As we both ran to the front we heard the man yelling "don't die, please don't die!"
When I got there I saw the man on his knees and there in front of him was rabbit. He had hit a rabbit! He was having an absolute fit about that rabbit.
The man from the third car said, "I think I can fix this situation." And he walked back to his car and returned a moment later with a spray can. He sprayed the rabbit and suddenly it jumped up, turned and ran off. When it got about ten yards out it stopped and waved to us and then continued to run away. After going another ten yards it stopped and waved again. It repeated this until it was out of sight.
"What was that stuff you sprayed on it?" I asked him.
His reply was, "Hair restorer with a permanent wave."
The man in the car in front of me jumped out of his car and ran around to the front. He got down on his knees and was making some strange movements. I thought "Oh my God, he's hit somebody!"
I jumped out of my car and so did the man in the car behind me. As we both ran to the front we heard the man yelling "don't die, please don't die!"
When I got there I saw the man on his knees and there in front of him was rabbit. He had hit a rabbit! He was having an absolute fit about that rabbit.
The man from the third car said, "I think I can fix this situation." And he walked back to his car and returned a moment later with a spray can. He sprayed the rabbit and suddenly it jumped up, turned and ran off. When it got about ten yards out it stopped and waved to us and then continued to run away. After going another ten yards it stopped and waved again. It repeated this until it was out of sight.
"What was that stuff you sprayed on it?" I asked him.
His reply was, "Hair restorer with a permanent wave."
angelo
Deleted
I don't see a problem with premature ejaculation. I mean, sex AND an early night.
C_Mucius_Scaevola
Veteran Member
I once dated a girl with a tattoo of a poppy on her backside.
It was in memory of those who died at the front.
It was in memory of those who died at the front.
SLD
Contributor
Did you hear about the guy who fell onto an upholstery machine? He's now fully recovered.
ASLD
ASLD
Ford
Contributor
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2010
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- Freedomland
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- Just don't knock on my door on a Saturday Morning
Back in 2004 I turned on the TV and there was this slow speed chase happening. Helicopters everywhere, traffic backed up, news stations reporting on every movement breathlessly.
Then I realized I was watching the Reagan funeral.
Thing is...I was kinda rooting for him to escape.
Then I realized I was watching the Reagan funeral.
Thing is...I was kinda rooting for him to escape.
C_Mucius_Scaevola
Veteran Member
I went to see the doctor yesterday, routine tests, and in the waiting room I was sitting next to a guy there who seemed a little morose.
”What are you in for?” he asked, clearly bored.
Trying to make him feel better, I replied that I was looking to get an endoscopy.
“What’s that?” he wanted to know.
“It’s when they put a camera down your throat to have a wee look round. What about you?”
“Camera up the bottom”, he said
“Ah, a colonoscopy. ”
“No, the wife caught me taking photos of the neighbour sunbathing “.
”What are you in for?” he asked, clearly bored.
Trying to make him feel better, I replied that I was looking to get an endoscopy.
“What’s that?” he wanted to know.
“It’s when they put a camera down your throat to have a wee look round. What about you?”
“Camera up the bottom”, he said
“Ah, a colonoscopy. ”
“No, the wife caught me taking photos of the neighbour sunbathing “.
angelo
Deleted
Rang a girl I used to date and asked if she was free Friday night. She said no, but her prices were reasonable.