Profound Thoughts

[James Brown]

Do lobsters think that fish can fly?

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

So I see an add for a gambling site and they prominently list a number to call if you have a gambling problem. I call it and they've asked how long I've had this problem. I told them most of my life. They asked how often do I gamble, and I told them very rarely at all. They sounded confused. I told them I lose whenever I gamble which is my problem, so I rarely ever gamble. I mean, I'd gamble all the time if I won often. Right?! Then the jackass tells me to fuck off and hangs up on me. What the heck?!

 

[ZiprHead]

What if centipedes were really just a bunch of spiders in a trench coat?

 

[lostone]

What if centipedes were really just a bunch of spiders in a trench coat?

I read a travel fiction book about a couple of wanderers who spent a few months on the tropical island Vanatu. Vanatu has huge centipedes that can sting you with their legs in addition to their bite. The protagonist got walked on by one of those centipedes while he was sleeping. The poison in the venom caused the legs of the centipede did not kill him, but it made his leg swell like up a balloon for several days.

 

[ZiprHead]

What if centipedes were really just a bunch of spiders in a trench coat?

I read a travel fiction book about a couple of wanderers who spent a few months on the tropical island Vanatu. Vanatu has huge centipedes that can sting you with their legs in addition to their bite. The protagonist got walked on by one of those centipedes while he was sleeping. The poison in the venom caused the legs of the centipede did not kill him, but it made his leg swell like up a balloon for several days.

My wife has a visceral fear of centipedes. They freak her right the fuck out.

 

[Cheerful Charlie]

What if centipedes were really just a bunch of spiders in a trench coat?

I read a travel fiction book about a couple of wanderers who spent a few months on the tropical island Vanatu. Vanatu has huge centipedes that can sting you with their legs in addition to their bite. The protagonist got walked on by one of those centipedes while he was sleeping. The poison in the venom caused the legs of the centipede did not kill him, but it made his leg swell like up a balloon for several days.

In parts of the U.S. there is the red headed centipede. An impressive centipede that can be as long as 8 inches. It has a painful 'bite', actually stings delivered by modified front legs. It can be found in Texas, Oklahome, Arkansas, and Missouri. During the civil war, confederate troops in these states greatly feared the red headed centipede due to greatly exaggerated tales of its venomness. A centipede crawling over a sleeping soldier was said to cause excruciating pain and injuries. Looks like the writer of your tale was inspired by confederate soldiers' tall tales. As the largest centipede found in America, they are popular with centipede fanciers and can be bought on the internet from breeders. Also popular with fanciers is the Peruvian giant centipede that can get to an impressive 12 inches in length.

 

[TV and credit cards]

What if centipedes were really just a bunch of spiders in a trench coat?

I read a travel fiction book about a couple of wanderers who spent a few months on the tropical island Vanatu. Vanatu has huge centipedes that can sting you with their legs in addition to their bite. The protagonist got walked on by one of those centipedes while he was sleeping. The poison in the venom caused the legs of the centipede did not kill him, but it made his leg swell like up a balloon for several days.

My wife has a visceral fear of centipedes. They freak her right the fuck out.

Same here. I don't get many insects in the house but there is the occasional centipede. One day I opened my sump pit cover and discovered the source. Fucking horror show.

 

[SLD]

A friend just pointed out that since God gives his best advice through dreams, it’s OK to sleep through church. Tell that the next time you get dragged to church.

 

[Elixir]

God gives his best advice through dreams

So it really would have been okay to screw that cute classmate in the 9th grade?

 

[bilby]

God gives his best advice through dreams

So it really would have been okay to screw that cute classmate in the 9th grade?

It doesn't sound like the sort of thing God would object to, as long as you're one of his chosen people.

 

[Shadowy Man]

God gives his best advice through dreams

So it really would have been okay to screw that cute classmate in the 9th grade?

It doesn't sound like the sort of thing God would object to, as long as you're one of his chosen people.

That’s why the Jews are known for being such good lovers.

 

[lostone]

God gives his best advice through dreams

So it really would have been okay to screw that cute classmate in the 9th grade?

It doesn't sound like the sort of thing God would object to, as long as you're one of his chosen people.

Doesn't the Bible advise humans to 'be fruitful, and multiply'? Gen 1:28a?

 

[ZiprHead]

Doesn't the Bible advise humans to 'be fruitful, and multiply'? Gen 1:28a?

I always thought that meant to do your times tables on a grapefruit with a sharpie.

 

[lostone]

Doesn't the Bible advise humans to 'be fruitful, and multiply'? Gen 1:28a?

I always thought that meant to do your times tables on a grapefruit with a sharpie.

I suppose it's better than dividing

 

[bilby]

God gives his best advice through dreams

So it really would have been okay to screw that cute classmate in the 9th grade?

It doesn't sound like the sort of thing God would object to, as long as you're one of his chosen people.

Doesn't the Bible advise humans to 'be fruitful, and multiply'? Gen 1:28a?

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Go Forth and Multiply

 

[ZiprHead]

I gotta remember that one.

 

[athee]

two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

 

[spikepipsqueak]

God gives his best advice through dreams

So it really would have been okay to screw that cute classmate in the 9th grade?

It doesn't sound like the sort of thing God would object to, as long as you're one of his chosen people.

Doesn't the Bible advise humans to 'be fruitful, and multiply'? Gen 1:28a?

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Go Forth and Multiply

I first saw that in a Robert Heinlein novel.

"I told him to go forth and multiply without actually implying a partner."

I don't retain many quotes but that I'll remember that one 'til I die.

 

[athee]

The glass is not always half full or half empty. It could have been twice as big as needed in the first place.

 

[Politesse]

Where did the seedless grape come from?

Made me curious, so I looked it up. Many fruit trees and vines are "essentially clones":

If you go to a grocery store today to buy grapes, there is a good chance that the only type of grape you can buy is seedless. Nearly all grapevines in production today produce seedless grapes.

It turns out that most fruits today do not come from seeds. They come from cuttings instead. This is true of grapes, blueberries, apples, cherries, etc. (pretty much all fruits except citrus, although scientists are working on that, too). A piece of a vine or branch is cut off, dipped in rooting hormone and then placed in moist dirt so that roots and leaves form. Because they come from cuttings, new grapevines are essentially clones of the vine they were cut from.

Seedless grapes actually do contain seeds at some point. But a genetic error prevents the seeds from forming hard outer coats like normal seeds do.

https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/botany/question349.htm

TIL

City people!