Things that make you laugh...

[Angry Floof]

A bloke on the radio was talking about working dogs in colonial times to the present day, and relative intelligence.

He said a border collie will receive an order and say "What next?"

A kelpie says "What for?"

And a Tibetan Spaniel says "What, me?"

Golden Retriever says "What makes you think I care about that?"

Cat says, "What foods might be involved?"

 

[ZiprHead]

Golden Retriever says "What makes you think I care about that?"

Cat says, "What foods might be involved?"

The Doberman says "You talkin' to me? There's nobody else here. You talkin' to me?"

 

[jonatha]

Golden Retriever says "What makes you think I care about that?"

Cat says, "What foods might be involved?"

The Doberman says "You talkin' to me? There's nobody else here. You talkin' to me?"

The Chihuahua says "Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip!"

 

[Angry Floof]

Golden Retriever says "What makes you think I care about that?"

Cat says, "What foods might be involved?"

The Doberman says "You talkin' to me? There's nobody else here. You talkin' to me?"

Jack Russell terrier says "What clever tricks can I do for you?"

 

[Angry Floof]

Watching a young black man's reaction to seeing R.E.M.'s Losing My Religion video for the first time. "They appear to be Amish."

 

[gmbteach]

 

[bilby]

From facebook:

 

[Keith&Co.]

So, here at General Dynamics, we built the Fire Control System to generate a signal that goes up to equipment in Navigation, made by Lockheed Martin, to check the position of a particular switch.
On our drawing, we label the excitation that goes out (EXCT), then the two return signals based on the switch position: ON RTN and OFF RTN.

On the NAV side, the drawing Lockheed makes labels the signals as EXCITATION, RETURN OFF, and RETURN ON.

A third contractor, doing some simulator work, is concerned that the three signals are not identical.

They... um...
They ARE the same. EXCT is EXCITATION. Not close to, not similar to, not resembling... It fucking IS.

The different standards for labeling our functional diagrams doesn't make it a different signal. And RTN is RETURN.

Seven emails into these assurances, we discover that the hangup is that they assumed it's an acronym.

"Shouldn't RTN be RFN?"
"What? Why the fuck would it be?"
"Well, it's a Return FROM Nav, not a Return TO Nav."
(stunned silence stretches....)
"Right?"
"No. NO! No, that's wrong. It's a RETURN. That's all. ON or OFF. Nothing about from Nav or to Nav."
"But it is a return from Nav, technically, right?"
"Stop talking."
"But really-"
"No, seriously, stop talking. You have to go sit in the corner."
"My desk is in the corner."
"Then sit under it."

 

[Keith&Co.]

Last night, I woke up about 0130, hungry and sweating. I eventually realized that my blood sugar was crashing.
I did not want to wake up my wife, as she has to deal with tenth graders today, and she needs her rest.
I was just going to get up and go eat something.
At the top of the stairs, I felt a little dizzy. I COULD have woken her up, asked for chocolate or something (she maintains a stash...somewhere), but was still determined not to wake her needlessly.

I decided that if I fell down the stairs and broke a leg or something, THEN I would come back up and wake her. For the sugar, for the trip to the hospital, all that stuff. Seemed logical to me at the time.

Explained that to my wife this morning. And to my coworkers today.

Strangely, no one says, "Yeah, I guess your logic is undependable with low blood sugar."

No, the only comments I get are "Men!"

 

[Angry Floof]

Transcribed a recorded meeting of a sports organization in Australia. I was confused for the longest time until I realized that there's a sport in Australia called "netball" but they pronounce it "nipple."

Another file from Australia. I have figured out that when an Australian says "a weenis" (which is what we in our family call a penis in baby talk), they're saying "awareness."

edit: He's talking about awareness of diversity, but given his accent, if you heard him say "I'm encouraged by growing awareness..." would you blow tea out of your nose?

 

[bilby]

Transcribed a recorded meeting of a sports organization in Australia. I was confused for the longest time until I realized that there's a sport in Australia called "netball" but they pronounce it "nipple."

Another file from Australia. I have figured out that when an Australian says "a weenis" (which is what we in our family call a penis in baby talk), they're saying "awareness."

LOL

We are not always asking questions either?

It's just our accent that raises the pitch towards the end of a sentence?

 

[Angry Floof]

Transcribed a recorded meeting of a sports organization in Australia. I was confused for the longest time until I realized that there's a sport in Australia called "netball" but they pronounce it "nipple."

Another file from Australia. I have figured out that when an Australian says "a weenis" (which is what we in our family call a penis in baby talk), they're saying "awareness."

LOL

We are not always asking questions either?

It's just our accent that raises the pitch towards the end of a sentence?

Oh yes, I'm very familiar with that feature of Aus/NZ speakers.

So not only would you be encouraged by growing a weenis, but you'd also be curious about it sounds like.

 

[Patooka]

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpBYnL5fAXE[/youtube]

 

[James Brown]

This made me laugh, a blog post by a guy I follow who's been taking an extended vacation with his family around Europe.

I think I have eaten more hot dogs since I returned to the US than in any comparable three-week period in my life up to now.

MURCA!

I had been threatening to do that anyway while I was in Europe. Here I was surrounded by all this interesting and delicious food and thinking, “Man, I need something familiar. And huge. And why can I never get enough to drink here? Why do they only sell soda in 500ml bottles instead of the standard American 55-gallon drums? You know what? When I get back to America I’m going to go to my local Giant Mega Everything Store and get one of those hot dog meals, the kind that includes a hot dog made from every scrap of three different pigs and a soda large enough to have its own weather patterns (and free refills). And I’m going to pay for it with the change underneath my car seat, because FREEDOM.”

 

[spikepipsqueak]

 

[Elixir]

My best belly laugh of the weekend:

THE NOT ME MOVEMENT

 

[Keith&Co.]

My wife's school has started the year in a brand new building.
They haven't actually finished it, yet. Among other items not yet complete, the teacher break area does not have microwaves.
So instead of packing in leftovers and frozen meals, she's taking sandwiches to work.
We hardly ever use sandwich bags, so i was surprised to find them on the shopping list.

Now my (harrumph-ahem)-year old wife will be breaking out lunch in her new Avengers sandwich bags. 4 designs!

'Why?' She asked.

'To make the other teachers jealous.' Of course!
Either jealous of the bags or jealous of the thoughtful husband who got them for her...

 

[Keith&Co.]

Supervisor is working from home this week. But today, we have to go to a place about an hour away to get ID cards that allow us access to government computer systems.
She's going to drive over and pick us up. She arranged all this with the persons directly above and directly below her. They all told me the plan.

I was the only person ask if she's picking us up at the front door of our facility, or the employee entrance. Those are on opposite sides of the complex, about fifteen minutes apart. They all looked surprised by the question...

God, man, these people ALL have children! They should KNOW that there's a limit to telepathy.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Saw someone's idea for Deadpool being in the next Xmen movie.

Him constantly catching himself from dropping the F bomb, confiding to the audience that "in a PG13 movie, we only get to drop the F bomb once. Need to make sure it counts."

Then when he spends the whole movie watching himself
(Well, isn't that...fun)(oh, we're totally...freaked) (you mother... Pucker. Puck. He's from Shakespeare, children. You'll pretend to learn about him in high school)
Finally, near the end, at the big face off with the villain , he turns to the audience. "You know, i think it might be time."
The Wolverine or maybe Cable asks, " What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"

 

[ZiprHead]

Saw someone's idea for Deadpool being in the next Xmen movie.

Him constantly catching himself from dropping the F bomb, confiding to the audience that "in a PG13 movie, we only get to drop the F bomb once. Need to make sure it counts."

Then when he spends the whole movie watching himself
(Well, isn't that...fun)(oh, we're totally...freaked) (you mother... Pucker. Puck. He's from Shakespeare, children. You'll pretend to learn about him in high school)
Finally, near the end, at the big face off with the villain , he turns to the audience. "You know, i think it might be time."
The Wolverine or maybe Cable asks, " What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"

Is that true, only one fuck allowed?

There's gotta be a meme for that somewhere.