Did i ever mention my IT school practical?
Navy Instructor School teaches one how to prepare and deliver a lesson. We have to give four lectures, graded, and if we don't pass, we stay on the school until we do. Can't fill an instructor billet without instructor credentials.
They have since gone to canned lessons. They decide the topic, you study up and then give them.
When i was there, we could teach anything. We had to teach at least one skill, most chose a math calculation.
A Marine taught gun cleaning, a sonar tech taught the difference between PING! and PONG!, a hull tech taught life cycle of a fire in the lube oil bay, a boatswain taught the way to calculate the water displacement of a ship (when the WWII submarine reports sinking a 4000-ton cargo ship, that's what they're talking about).
When they wouldn't let me teach How To Sharpen A Sword ("how many politicians does it take to sharpen a sword? Three. One to hold the whetstone and one to confuse the issue."), I taught my students how to teach a mutant snake how to ready and serve a pot of tea.
I got an Oscar the Grouch puppet, tucked his arms inside, a cut a slit at the back of his mouth.
Got a toy tea set, a magic wand (clear plastic, filled with water and glitter), and three packs of Gushers gum.
After a long winded intro about the development of mutant snakes, the legal issues in houseservants following the cactus wars, i donned the puppet and directed him to set up the tea set.
We know a mutant snake will disbehave until calibrated, so it tossed a saucer. I pulled the wand out and whacked the puppet over the head with it. I was a little nervous, so i swung a little hard... cracked the plastic wand.
After that, the snake was better behaved...for a while. Set up the pot, cups, saucer. Each time, i slipped a piece of gum into its mouth, hiding it thru the slit.
My fellow trainees were up on the platform with me, trying hard to keep straight faces, especially when the snake shook googly eyes at them.
But the snake grew overconfident, acted up once more. I was force ti whackify it on the head once more. Still nervous, i shattered the wand...on my hand. Mutant snake puppets are not especiially padded... Water and glitter rained down on the puppet, melting the cardboard mouth, just a bit.
I clenched my fist when i whacked it, forgetting the handful up fluid-filled gum pieces i held. Neon-bright syrup started to leak out of the snake's face.
I was going to give the thing a hug at the end, but i was in uniform and didn't want to touch the thing any more than i had to.
Part of teaching a practical includes a student demonstrating part of the skill. THEY didn't want to touch the dripping, glittery, radioactive-looking monster...
I finally got one to give the snake a command, and reward it. I had never told anyone about the slit, so he just shoved the gum into the mouth, which tore free, revealing part of my hand, turning a futprry children's programming icon into The Beast With AFingernail On Its Epiglotis...
At this point i have abandoned everything i rehearsed and am just making shit up, trying to finish.
At long last, slid the unrecognizable mass off my hand and turn to see the evaluator's reaction.
All i see are feet.
He had fallen from his chair, literally. rolling on the floor, laughing.
Half the critique was him making faces, simulating Oscar falling apart. "And then his mouth.... MWARR-rum-rumm. Heeheehee."
Pased. Been an insructor for 32 years, now, Navy and Civilian.
STILL won't use water filled props...
Dorks.
