Things that make you laugh...

[Angry Floof]

I think working with Keith could be wonderful or a nightmare, depending on the specific nature of the work relationship.

 

[bilby]

So, I wrote a storyboard for a bit of computer based training that another contractor is going to produce. The subject is Guidance Correction Coefficients. What are they, how they're used, how the sailor can really screw them up.
I don't want to say "Guidance Correction Coefficient" eleventy dozen times, but that's okay, this is the military. We can utilize the power of shortcuts. In the Fleet, we use GCC or GCCs.

For the storyboard, I include pronunciation because the narrator is not going to be a missile technician.
I write:

Pronounce:
MMSS: Mass Memory
SCTIP: Skit-up
TIDB: tid - bee
OP is spelled out: Oh Pea
GCC is spelled out: gee see sea
Plural, GCCs, is spelled out: gee sea seize

I got bitched out.




Evidently, it's grammatically incorrect to use two different words to explain the pronunciation of 'C.'
'See' or 'Sea' would be correct, on their own. 'Gee Sea Sea' would be correct. The reviewer had to explain to me that the person reading the text for recording would be confused by 'See Sea.' Although it seems to me that anyone with a >4th grade reading ability will simply fly through...
Further, I was called upon to defend my switching of the first C from See to Sea when the reference is pluralized. Why do that? What possible difference could it make which 'See/Sea' was used?

So the same reviewer simultaneously insisted that my choice of phonetic demonstration words was critically inconsistent, AND made no difference.

And today, I am called upon to explain my choice to not bother dignifying the reviewer's comments with the slightest response. I suspect that 'Well, DUH!' will not be sufficient.

Pronounce:

Welder: Well, DUH!

 

[Keith&Co.]

You're goddamned prophetic.

Five minutes in the boss' office was spent on a detailed derail. Is it actually "Well, DUH!" or "Well, DUR!" I like 'Duh,' but boss' kids have taught him 'Dur.' From 'Derp,' he believes.

Anyway, we're not allowed to ignore the really stupid review comments.

References to the possible GPS position of the reviewer's head, with respect to the reviewer's anus are also contraindicated.

I already knew the company's stance on death threats, that warning was completely gratuitous.

So i'll probably just say 'Noted,' for such review comments. That should thrill and delight all concerned.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Having a discussion at my supervisor's cube.
Feel a need to release a little internal pressure, and I suspect it’ll be nasty. I've been pretty nasty all morning long.
So I step out into the hall. Release.
JUST as I do, the boss’ boss steps through the another door and walks by.
“Hi! How’s it oh my god what was that?” he asks.
“Chicken pot pie, I believe. The timing would be about right….”
“Um… Alrighty, then.”

 

[Keith&Co.]

I got out of taking diversity training!

The company is pushing another round of diversity training for the workplace.
Death by power-point to convince a roomful of people that people are people.
Nice idea, lethal execution.

It's not mandatory, but suggested for people who want to be noticed by the powers that be at evaluation time.
Another former enlisted person asked me if I wanted to sign up.
I said I didn't need it, I can work with officers, too. We both laughed.

Said remark was reported to the former Ensign who used to be my boss. Still outranks me.

And now I get to GIVE diversity training...

But at least I don't have to TAKE it! Eyes on the silver lining, here.

 

[Elixir]

And now I get to GIVE diversity training...

Scary thought, that. I'm sure that after dealing with you, there will be few people on this planet who will trouble your students.
May I suggest that you videotape all your diversity training sessions for possible later release on YouTube? ... could be an opportunity, y'know.

 

[Keith&Co.]

And now I get to GIVE diversity training...

Scary thought, that. I'm sure that after dealing with you, there will be few people on this planet who will trouble your students.
May I suggest that you videotape all your diversity training sessions for possible later release on YouTube? ... could be an opportunity, y'know.

Except i would need security's permission to use a camera inside the building...

If i could write my own training, it might be worth it. But the content is mandated...

God this is going to suck.

 

[Elixir]

And now I get to GIVE diversity training...

Scary thought, that. I'm sure that after dealing with you, there will be few people on this planet who will trouble your students.
May I suggest that you videotape all your diversity training sessions for possible later release on YouTube? ... could be an opportunity, y'know.

Except i would need security's permission to use a camera inside the building...

If i could write my own training, it might be worth it. But the content is mandated...

God this is going to suck.

If there are no cameras or recordings, then they can't very well exercise control over your inflections, body language or whatever pantomime you might want to inject into the "curriculum", right? Don't despair, yet. There may still be opportunity!

 

[James Brown]

Tennessee man flips car five times after letting 'Jesus take the wheel'.

 

[Jason the Rationalist]

Tennessee man flips car five times after letting 'Jesus take the wheel'.

Chad shouldn't have been that surprised - they didn't have motor vehicles in J's day but at least he took a stab at the controls. Its this can-do attitude that we need more of.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

And now I get to GIVE diversity training...

But at least I don't have to TAKE it! Eyes on the silver lining, here.

Reminds me of when my wife was still pretty new here, we were looking at the laws about acupuncture licensing. Where we were living at the time completely would not consider her training as it wasn't in the US--but was so broad in what they would accept that she could have spent the required hours teaching it (something she has done some of) rather than as a student. (After learning that we moved for my job--and ended up in a state that was willing to deal with the hassles of verifying foreign training.)

 

[bilby]

And now I get to GIVE diversity training...

But at least I don't have to TAKE it! Eyes on the silver lining, here.

Reminds me of when my wife was still pretty new here, we were looking at the laws about acupuncture licensing. Where we were living at the time completely would not consider her training as it wasn't in the US--but was so broad in what they would accept that she could have spent the required hours teaching it (something she has done some of) rather than as a student. (After learning that we moved for my job--and ended up in a state that was willing to deal with the hassles of verifying foreign training.)

That level of bureaucracy in the training requirements seems pretty pointless and unnecessary, what with acupuncture being unmitigated bullshit nonsense and all. How qualified do you need to be in order to defraud the gullible?

 

[ZiprHead]

I hope someone writes an obit for me that is this good

 

[RavenSky]

I hope someone writes an obit for me that is this good

That is priceless!

My mom's obituary was relatively normal but we ended it with an excerpt from the last poem she wrote:

"Ode to Death (by a Far Side admirer)"

Ah, life was worth living through sunshine and rain,
Now I'm off for adventures on some other plane.
So please make sure my memorials include:
These profound words: "Don't taser me Dude!"

 

[Loren Pechtel]

And now I get to GIVE diversity training...

But at least I don't have to TAKE it! Eyes on the silver lining, here.

Reminds me of when my wife was still pretty new here, we were looking at the laws about acupuncture licensing. Where we were living at the time completely would not consider her training as it wasn't in the US--but was so broad in what they would accept that she could have spent the required hours teaching it (something she has done some of) rather than as a student. (After learning that we moved for my job--and ended up in a state that was willing to deal with the hassles of verifying foreign training.)

That level of bureaucracy in the training requirements seems pretty pointless and unnecessary, what with acupuncture being unmitigated bullshit nonsense and all. How qualified do you need to be in order to defraud the gullible?

I've seen her help enough people that I can't call it unmitigated bullshit. The theory behind it certainly is but there's something going on there that we don't understand. (Note that the training in western societies seems to be pretty poor.) (And there also things that work for the wrong reason. My mother was a psychologist. When my wife described what she does to help people quit smoking my mother recognized that fundamentally it was exactly what she would do with hypnosis--it wouldn't matter if the needles did nothing so long as the patient thought they helped.)

 

[bigfield]

That level of bureaucracy in the training requirements seems pretty pointless and unnecessary, what with acupuncture being unmitigated bullshit nonsense and all. How qualified do you need to be in order to defraud the gullible?

I've seen her help enough people that I can't call it unmitigated bullshit. The theory behind it certainly is but there's something going on there that we don't understand. (Note that the training in western societies seems to be pretty poor.) (And there also things that work for the wrong reason. My mother was a psychologist. When my wife described what she does to help people quit smoking my mother recognized that fundamentally it was exactly what she would do with hypnosis--it wouldn't matter if the needles did nothing so long as the patient thought they helped.)

The skepdic entry for acupuncture gives a good summary: http://skepdic.com/acupuncture.html

The evidence from both personal testimony and from scientific studies clearly shows that acupuncture works and is an effective medical treatment for many ailments. The evidence from the scientific studies also shows clearly that sham acupuncture is just as effective as true acupuncture. What is not so clear to some people, but is easily ferreted out from the evidence, is that acupuncture most likely works by classical conditioning and other factors that are often lumped together and referred to as "the placebo effect." Furthermore, in some cases sham acupuncture works better than other placebos. This does not mean that acupuncture is "all in the head," however.



A common misunderstanding regarding placebos is that a placebo must be an inert substance that tricks the patient into thinking he's been given an active substance. This misunderstanding leads to the belief that the placebo effect is "all in the head." That is no more true than that people's physiological responses to what they think is alcohol or a drug are purely psychological. People can be conditioned to have physiological responses to placebos. Furthermore, Martina Amanzio et al. (2001) demonstrated that "at least part of the physiological basis for the placebo effect is opioid in nature" (Bausell 2007: 160). That is, we can be conditioned to release such chemical substances as endorphins, catecholamines, cortisol, and adrenaline. One reason, therefore, that people report pain relief from both acupuncture and sham acupuncture may be that both stimulate the opioid system. So can a lot of other things of course, like running a marathon, having an orgasm, eating habanero chiles, or getting a saline injection that you think is morphine.

 

[Angry Floof]

Seen on facebook, which does a terrible job of translating complaints about its latest crappy news feed and notifications tweaks.

Very verehrter Mister Facebook,....
I schreib you extra in english, damit you that gleich kapierst you Oberkasper.
I find it very doll ärgerlich, that you brings andauernd my Seite durcheinander. Every day I find nix wieder!
I will gerne, when I Frazenbuch anmache, dass I the Neuigkeiten can see and what my friends grad so do.
It is mir absolutely Scheiß egal, what a Müll vor 12 Stunden or 20 Stunden posted geworden ist....
See More
Very dear Mr. Facebook,....
I write you extra in English so you'll get it right now you're kasper.
I find it very annoying, that you constantly confuse my side. Every day I find nothing again!
I would like to see when i fra Zen book that I the news can see and what my friends degree so do.
It doesn't matter to me, what a garbage has become 12 hours or 20 hours ago.
Than can I find alone.
Please bring that in order!
DO YOU HAVE ME VERSTANDEN NOW?
When not, I will become a Wutausbruch and come zu you and klatsch you dermaßen eine, that not mal Google Earth can find you wieder!
Let your fetting fingers from my news sorting!!!

Jesus, I don't know what it would be like for someone to become a Wutausbruch and come zu me and klatsch my dermaßen eine, but I hope I never find out.

 

[Hermit]

Seen on facebook, which does a terrible job of translating complaints about its latest crappy news feed and notifications tweaks.

Very verehrter Mister Facebook,....
I schreib you extra in english, damit you that gleich kapierst you Oberkasper.
I find it very doll ärgerlich, that you brings andauernd my Seite durcheinander. Every day I find nix wieder!
I will gerne, when I Frazenbuch anmache, dass I the Neuigkeiten can see and what my friends grad so do.
It is mir absolutely Scheiß egal, what a Müll vor 12 Stunden or 20 Stunden posted geworden ist....
See More
Very dear Mr. Facebook,....
I write you extra in English so you'll get it right now you're kasper.
I find it very annoying, that you constantly confuse my side. Every day I find nothing again!
I would like to see when i fra Zen book that I the news can see and what my friends degree so do.
It doesn't matter to me, what a garbage has become 12 hours or 20 hours ago.
Than can I find alone.
Please bring that in order!
DO YOU HAVE ME VERSTANDEN NOW?
When not, I will become a Wutausbruch and come zu you and klatsch you dermaßen eine, that not mal Google Earth can find you wieder!
Let your fetting fingers from my news sorting!!!

Jesus, I don't know what it would be like for someone to become a Wutausbruch and come zu me and klatsch my dermaßen eine, but I hope I never find out.

Let me try that translate thingy.

Sehr verehrte Ms. Angry Floof,
Sie haben ganz Recht einen Klatscher von Herrn Wutausbruch zu fürchten.

Dear Ms. Angry Floof,
You are quite right to fear a bludger from Mr. Wutausbruch.

Bludger? I think not. And Wutausbruch means outburst of rage.

3.5/10

Old one, but still makes me laugh:

 

[Jayjay]

It's not the umbrella that made him fall, it was the pothole. I expect the result would've been the same without the umbrella.

 

[bilby]

Just heard on the news that Ingvar Kamprad, founder of IKEA, has died.

My immediate response was "His funeral will be held once the coffin has been assembled".

Does that make me a bad person?