Words you do NOT want in your obituary

[Jimmy Higgins]

...didn't seek immediate medical attention after four hours.

 

[ZiprHead]

"The witch-doctor's conclusion that a tiger had crossed his shadow turned out to be extremely prophetic."

 

[Elixir]

"enraged pygmies"

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

'by a moo cow'

'forgot to carry the three'

'mistook pronoun for proper noun'

'apparently buried alive' (someone must have done that already)

'fallen piano'

 

[Elixir]

'fallen piano'

Actually that sounds pretty quick and painless... depending on the piano of course, and how far it fell.

 

[Keith&Co.]

'fallen piano'

Actually that sounds pretty quick and painless...

"...from jumping out of the way of the falling piano into the path of the approaching bull stampede..."

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

'beneath a large pile of Ayn Rand novels'

 

[spikepipsqueak]

"... a bus while texting."

"As an aside, a Venus Fly Trap this size has never been observed before."

 

[bilby]

...and the horse he rode in on.

 

[Thomas II]

...septic tank fall...

 

[ZiprHead]

...septic tank fall...

The deceased or the septic tank?

 

[gmbteach]

"Internal organs were missing."

"Hey y'all, watch this!"

His last words were apparently:

"Here, hold my beer and watch this!"

 

[4321lynx]

"... of his body only the two roughly cut off fingertips accidentally discovered at the garbage dump were ever found."

 

[gmbteach]

"It was obvious that his pets had used him to survive on until he was found."

 

[Elixir]

"It was obvious that his pets had used him to survive on until he was found."

Okay, this is almost out of hand. {suppresses more snickers}

Maybe it should turn to Words you DO want in your obituary.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Maybe it should turn to Words you DO want in your obituary.

I think that'll get out of hand even faster.

"Died with a smile on his face that gave the coroner nightmares for weeks..."
"Died of sexual exhaustion..."
"Survived by his entire harem..."
"...thus escaping over 100 creditors and subpoenas..."

 

[Elixir]

Maybe it should turn to Words you DO want in your obituary.

I think that'll get out of hand even faster.

"Died with a smile on his face that gave the coroner nightmares for weeks..."
"Died of sexual exhaustion..."
"Survived by his entire harem..."
"...thus escaping over 100 creditors and subpoenas..."

... and that's worse than getting eaten by your pets??? OMG

 

[spikepipsqueak]

Maybe it should turn to Words you DO want in your obituary.

I think that'll get out of hand even faster.

"Died with a smile on his face that gave the coroner nightmares for weeks..."
"Died of sexual exhaustion..."
"Survived by his entire harem..."
"...thus escaping over 100 creditors and subpoenas..."

IN your obit. you want "survived by all but one of his harem." (referencing the "if she dies, she dies." joke)

 

[Thomas II]

...György Dózsa...

 

[Keith&Co.]

I think that'll get out of hand even faster.

"Died with a smile on his face that gave the coroner nightmares for weeks..."
"Died of sexual exhaustion..."
"Survived by his entire harem..."
"...thus escaping over 100 creditors and subpoenas..."

... and that's worse than getting eaten by your pets??? OMG

Worse? No, 'traces of semen' would be worse than eaten by my pets (esp. as my only Pet is a Venus Flytrap named Buttercup). I just think that the opportunity for 'how i want to die' fantasy will get out of hand rapidly, with sexual excess and the bursting of social norms.